The figment of smugness

Saturday, May 19, 2012

It has been days since I have written my last post. Although I don't blame myself for not writing because I seldom feel of blurting out my feelings after getting hold to some poignant & touching events.

Together with that, a blogger inside me doesn't send a fillip in my mind to write something apart from my schedule. But when I read about the blog posts from various sources like blogadda and blogs from update of different stripes and tastes, something intrigues me about writing. And today I am too ardent to share my emotions of burning a cigarette two inches away from my mouth. Yes the figment of imagination after you light a cigarette. Sometimes a darn thing can also light up your mind.You tend to forget about the detrimental effect of the stench. I think it is this whimsical feeling that people are fond of when they puff out smokes. I am not really fond of cigarette nor I am a chain smokers but being a gregarious and fun loving person I have tasted it in my adolescence. It hardly takes one or two days for a cigarette lover to hold a fag and learn lighting it and holding it like a pro. But when you do so it feels great.

I never thought of delving into the feelings that occur to me when I light it up and continue shortening it. It happens with everyone who does not smoke frequently, may be because of his own consciousness or because of his lover or because of some other reasons. But not to the chain smokers who take it as their prescribed dose. They always enjoy inhaling the unseen smokes but never delve into thoughts that occur to them. I had this feeling when I light up a cigarette while returning from market alone. It happened again yesterday when I thought of smoking which I rarely do when I am alone. A sudden urge of quenching my wish gasped me, a manly feeling of holding a cigarette with a brightly burning tip. I bought a cigarette and looked at it with a nascent feeling of another blissful experience. With a couple of flunking strokes of match sticks I finally burned the tip of tobacco stick.

I started to inhale and puff out smokes holding it between my two fingers. With every breath the reddened glowing tip caught my glance. It was so much contrasting in the dark background of a road that a complacent feeling of happiness breezed through me. There is no one to nag me not to smoke or anybody who would stop me from doing it. I took a glance at the path of the blown out smoke particles that was locked inside my trachea. They took a whizzing path and mixed into the air without any signs of existence. A satiate smugness filled inside me just like  the short-lived smokes that will also not last longer. Yes, as every piece of tobacco stick entails, a final inhalation, like a last laugh, last breath or last piece of happiness, I took a longer breath to make it shorter. I enjoyed every bit of last coy before it  lasted any further.

There was still an incomprehensible feeling of happiness in me but it refuted the notion that cigarettes are only helpful to burn your sorrow, mistakes,blames,penitence and all your regret for wrong doings. It can also rejuvenate you, resurrect & instill a completeness in your mind. It tells you that you are capable of brooking a more contentious or difficult situations to fetch something extra.

I am not encouraging anyone to smoke but it taught me something of which we are oblivious. Our life is a time bound integral equation and so everything are transient and short lived. If you feel like digging dirt will fetch you new fortunes then there is no harm in doing that.

- Soham

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